Silvassa and the Art of Doing Nothing

In the recent movie Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, Arjun is very scared to enter the deep blue ocean as he does not know how to swim. Laila , his diving instructor helps him to come over his fear and Arjun manages to dive deep to enjoy the glimpses of underwater wonders. When his friends tease him and ask him what was his learning from the whole diving experience, Arjun says 'just inhale and exhale'....

Arjun's sarcastic yet real words made me think hard about the crazy times we all live in. Our lives are constantly oriented towards 'achievements'. As if every action that we do has to have some concrete outcome. We live our lives bordered by ideas
such as 'one should utilize every living second meaningfully and constructively' in order to be truly successful. This is almost considered as a ground rule for life and if we do not produce an 'output' then the whole act is equated as a waste of time'.

These days, we are all rats in the race. Our time is 'money' and spending time 'doing nothing' is probably considered a modern day sin. But there are also lots of people who believe that ‘ doing nothing’ is also an art.

I got a first hand experience of why 'doing nothing' . Last weekend, I visited Silvassa , a quiet capital town in the Union Territory of Dadara and Nagar Haveli, sandwiched between the states of Maharashtra and Gujrat. It was an unplanned trip by me and my husband H and an escape route from the stressful work and lifestyle.


We left Mumbai on Friday night and unlike other times where we would drive ourselves, we hired a driver. When we drove past Andheri and Goregoan through the jampacked traffic and reached to Dahisar , the official border of Mumbai , I looked back at the city and sighed with relief. I thought the next two hours would be full of fun with me and my husband sitting behind and talking till we reach our destination. But the real fun began when we crossed the Ghodbunder road and the rain gods started their weekend fun.


I had read Silvassa is just 2.5 hours away as it is around 180 k.m. from Mumbai. When we pulled over at near a Cafe , assuming that we had reached close by, people in the Cafe they told us that we are still 150 k.m. away from Silvassa. When we were on the NH 8. , hoping to reach to Silvassa quickly it started raining so heavily that we could hardly see the road before us. The visibility of the road was extremely low and at one point of time, Sunil , our driver barely managed to save our car from falling down from the bridge. To top it all up , we did not have any idea of where exactly we were. Finally, after 2 hours of maddening rains we reached the town of Silvassa and managed to find our resort.


The next morning , we both woke up to the sound of rains. As I got out of bed and stepped in the balcony, I realized that our room was overlooking the Daman Ganga river. Daman Ganga was flowing with full force with its water in shade of dark maroon from the silt and mud it had carried the entire night. Between our room and the river , there was nothing else except a small garden with tall mango and ashoka trees. We spent the next one and half days in our hotel room doing nothing significant. We sat in the balcony and looked at the rain without any purpose. We looked at the dark clouds and smelt the scent of wet trees. We skipped showers and lounged around in our home clothes…We laughed, shared our thoughts and also enjoyed silence together. We had not carried a camera to click photos, there was no rush to finish food in given time, no rush to wake up and go out for sightseeing, no compulsion to dress up, no pressure to make anyone else happy.

Now I realize how essential it is to just 'be' and not do anything for a while. Throw away your 'to do list' , books, music players , camera and cell phones. Just sit and relax. Stare at the sky, rivers, trees, people , ocean.....just do nothing more than inhale and exhale for a while and feel the change !

(image from here)

Thoda Hai , Thode Ki Jaroorat Hai...

As I hum these lines, I am reminded of the desire that we all have... the desire to wish for a 'little bit more', a 'few extra things' in life. I can recollect that how in our daily lives we tend to feel that just a little bit more will give us more satisfaction. For example, when we order a pizza or a sandwich we particularly ask for 'extra cheese'; Pani Puri or Chaat is always followed by a free Masala Puri; buying vegetables is incomplete if we do not get that extra bit of discount etc. Market around is full of such deals that offer 'more' than the competitor, be it deals on electronic gadgets such as mobile phones, television or even groceries. Remember Shah Rukh Khan's advertisement ? 'Thoda Aur Wish Karo, Dish Karo'? I think in today's competitive world, almost everything except poison has some extra offer attached to it !

This desire present in most of us is not only ignited when we are buying 'things', but also when we are dealing with personal and professional relationships. No matter how much salary hike we receive, somewhere we feel that we deserved more and things could have been better with that extra bit of cash. On personal front, no matter how much a person loves us, we feel that we are entitled to more love and affection.

But has this desire to always wish for more gets us into trouble? Or is it something that aspires us to keep us on our toes, look for better things in life and most importantly stay away from complacency?

Hold on to that thought....and don't scroll down, I have nothing 'more' to offer in this post..

Amruta

Yes we are Superwomen, but where are the 'Supermen'??

Today on Star Plus, they showed a rather beautiful 'Star Plus's Anthem' dedicated to the woman of today....This piece was very beautifully directed...It open's up with a pretty looking woman doing zillions of tasks at home..She is shown as a wife who wakes up next to her husband early in the morning, unties herself from his hand delicately and jumps out of bed to make tiffin for her school going daughter....She is a good 'Bahu' who keeps an eye on her diabetic father in law and stops him from having that extra spoon of sugar in his tea...She then turns into a naughty wife who hands over the towel to her husband who is taking a bath and not to forget the little peck on the cheek after that…She dries saree's with her mother in law on the terrace, gives a flying kiss and warm smile to her office going husband….She is expert in the arts too…She takes up Katthak lessons and moves her feet to perfection!

But don't mistake her for a shy stay at home mom…she steps out of the house- she is a part time teacher to the poor children, she helps to push the Rikshaw of the poor and old rikshawwalla….She doesn't even shy away from mediating in a traffic congestion…..

She is a home maker and a TV anchor….She is finishing up her job while her family decorates the living room for her birthday….But at the last moment her boss begs her to do one more news report and she being the 'perfect' person she is doesn't let him down…..

She comes home late and sees her family asleep on the couch..but she bursts the balloons and wakes them up to celebrate her birthday and to spread that extra bit of joy!

The Star Plus has thoughtfully (!) ended the whole 'anthem' as they call it by showing her standing in the cold on a terrace , looking towards the stars while her husband comes in the frame to drape a shawl over her shoulders….

While the anthem and maybe its description may sound very heartwarming to the viewers/readers….I asked myself…Is this humanly possible for any women to be so perfect? Is it possible to be a perfect wife, mother , daughter and career woman at the same time? Isn't it too much to expect from a human being…

Though I know the 'anthem' is symbolic, I wonder what sort of symbolism are we trying to portray? That today's woman is suppose to be a superwoman, a caretaker of all, a person who juggles work and home with élan and never complains??

My bit of reading on gender issues tells me that ever since women started claiming their space outside home; things became easy and difficult at the same time for them. Stereotypes of 'hard core career woman' had received a negative connotation and being a 'stay at home mom' or a 'home maker' was also looked down upon……At the same time I feel , there is tremendous pressure on women of today to 'have it all' or rather to 'give it all'..She is suppose to be a highly educated, intellectual career women and still she should know how to be a good wife and mother…..A woman who balances both the spheres in today's world is the helm of everything!!

But I often wonder, why is there no pressure on men to be a 'superman'? It is still oaky for a man to be a hard core careerist person who goes to meetings, has stress, travels a lot and earns money…and his efforts to contribute at home like doing cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and parenting skills are highly overrated…

Men still don't face the pressure of multi-tasking as women do…..Is that why we are being told that we should be good at the 'balancing act'?

I do understand that under any circumstances we have a choice…we have a choice to chose the type of life we want….But at the same time what messages are these tacit 'anthems' trying to give?

I wonder if the Anthem is conceived and directed by a woman or a man!

Hold on to that thought….

Amruta

While you were sleeping.....

While you were sleeping…

I had a hell of a night………

I opened the locked up pages of my life…..

Unknown desires……..unknown ambitions……

I sang those songs which I cannot sing anymore…..

I had a little dance with myself…setting myself loose……

I got lost in the mist…….and played the game of 'finding myself'….

I fancied my wildest dreams……..

I ran away so far away……………….

So far where the night seemed like a day…where strangers were friends…..

Where there was no fear, no maze…..

While you were sleeping…

I had a hell of a night………..

But as the night came to an end……

I came back , in your warm arms…….

To greet you when you wake up…….to kiss you a bright morning…

To begin a day as if the night was false……

But to tell you the truth………I had a hell of a night yesterday…...

- Amruta

(Image Credit : Facebook Iktara community)

Traffic and two curious eyes

I was travelling from Pune to Mumbai by bus and as usual was caught in the midst of maddening traffic. The slow pace at which the bus was moving was making me anxious and I was already cooking up excuses that I would give at the meeting for being late.I glanced outside the window helplessly,looking at the two wheelers finding their way out from the mess, people crossing road, some jumping out of taxis and choosing to walk to their destination. Pressure in my mind was building up and I cursed myself for not choosing the earlier bus, cursed the traffic and everything around me.

In some time, my anger took form of boredom.I flipped through the magazine I had, sipped water, tried to move away my mind from the situation by listening to music.But my monkey mind wouldn't let me do anything.

It was at that time that I glanced out of the window and saw another bus next to mine. Two curious eyes of caught my attention. It was a small boy sitting on his mother's lap. She was busy talking to someone besides her and the boy was looking out of the window with his big eyes. I wondered if he knows that he is stuck in a traffic jam, his mommy would be late for something or if he has no control over whatever he is stuck at. The inquisitiveness in his eyes touched something in my heart. I thought have I really lost the ability to 'stand and stare' to be curious about the world around me? When you are stuck in a situation which you have no control over, what should you do? Should you let your temper soar high and worry about the consequences or should you take a deep breathe and concentrate on the present moment? Wouldn't it be nice if I control my restlessness and simply glance out of the window at something interesting , something unusual which I would never if I am not stuck in a traffic jam? Like today , out of the million people on the street I observed two curious eyes...

That day I was an hour late for my appointment and funny thing was the person whom I was meeting was late also due to heavy traffic.I am curious to know if she observed something interesting that day....

- Amruta

समांतर

समांतर
म्हणजे 'parallel'....शाळेत असताना गणिताच्या पुस्तकात समांतर रेषांचा धडा होता.

गणित हा तसा माझा नावडता विषय - दहावीचा गणिताचा पेपर दिल्यावर आयुष्यात गणिताकडे पाठ फिरवायची नाही असा मी पण केला होता..पण हा धडा मात्र एकदम लक्षात राहिला..

गणिताच्या बाईंनी फळ्यावर दोन रेषा काढल्या आणि म्हणाल्या 'ह्या आहेत समांतर रेषा, ज्या कधीच एक मेकांना छेदत नाहीत'. Two lines in a plane that do not intersect or meet are called parallel lines.
इतर वेळेस तासाला झोप काढणारी मी एकदम जागी झाले आणि डोक्यात काहीतरी वेगळेच विचार चालू झाले. या रेषा छेदत नाहीत? एकमेकांना कधीच भेटत नाहीत? समोरच्या फळ्यावर माझी नजर खिळलेली होती आणि वाटला, काय होईल जर मी ह्या दोन तोकड्या रेषा वाढवत नेल्या? फाल्याबाहेरून भिंतीवर? भितीवरून सरकत सरकत खिडकीबाहेर....बाहेरच्या झाडावरून पलीकडे दूर डोंगर दिसतोय तिथपर्यंत?तरीही त्या नाही का भेटणार? तास संपल्यावर मला लक्षात आला कि कितीही काही केला तरी हा नियम आहे कि त्या नाही भेटणार एकमेकांना....

आयुष्यातल्या काही नाती पण अशीच समांतर रेशांसारखी होत जातात...काही नात्यांना आपण समांतर होण्या साठी सोडून देतो ...तर काही नाती गुंफायची इच्छा असूनही समांतर होतात......सुरवातीला एकाच बिंदू पासून सुरु झालेली नाती नकळत विरुद्ध दिशांना वळतात...
वेळीच जर काही केल नाही तर ती कधी समांतर झाली हे सुद्धा काळात नाही..असं कुठल्याही नात्यात होऊ शकतं, हो कि नाही?

Room For Regrets

Do I have any regrets in life so far? I asked myself. I couldn't lie...YES my heart shouted out loud. But I know this is not the case with everyone.I have seen numerous chat shows where the host asks the guests if they have any regrets about life, most of the guests confidently respond negatively. Autobiographies of leaders, professionals and achievers reinstate the face that having regrets in life is a sign of weakness, it's a sign of undetermined mind or it is simply not respecting the course your life has taken. I look at such people with awe and curiosity in my eyes. I wonder "are these people really honest, or are they lying?". I don't know- they seem confident that every action , every decision they took in their life was correct even though they failed or faced problems. They show it to the world that they have realized that everything that happened or they did has some 'higher purpose' and 'meaning' attached to it.Even all of their wrongdoings taught them something and hence there is no room for regrets.
But doesn't it sound unreal?
Why is that having regrets is regarded as a sign of weakness so much so that when you honestly admit your regrets it is considered naive and politically incorrect?
Let me admit today , that I DO have regrets : plenty of them !
I love my regrets...I love them totally!
Every single regret of mine, every single afterthought has taught me more about myself. I now know what is my thought process, how do I make decisions and what are my pre-conceived notions. Every time I open the chapter of regrets in my life I can reflect back on my mistakes.Realizing my regrets has helped me to make a mental note of things that I should be careful about in present and future.
No matter what we say to the world, there are certain things that haunt us when we reflect back on our good and bad times...
There is definitely a special room for regrets in our lives- but its tucked away in the far end of our heart, it's path visible only to ourselves.